Really???

[foottboi]

A lot of experts said that foot fetish is the most common fetish among all, is that true? but how come it seems like its so hard to find ppl that are into feet around myself... do u guyz feel the same way?

[Scott]

A lot of experts said that foot fetish is the most common fetish among all, is that true? but how come it seems like its so hard to find ppl that are into feet around myself... do u guyz feel the same way?
I have been in the gay life for 26 years and have only met one other guy that has a foot fetish. Maybe some guys have it and just don't bring it up because of embarrassment. My boyfriend has beautiful feet but I haven't said anything to him because I don't want him to think I'm strange.

[gbmcleod]

that someone pointed out a guy wearing flip flops and how good they made his feet look, and then you said, "well, my boyfriend has beautiful feet." He's either going to a), say nothing, b), say "Really? You think so?" to which you could say, "oh yeah, they're very kissable looking" or c), say, "feet are gross." At which point you either say, "Well, you might think so, but I've always thought a guy's feet were one of the sexiest parts of his body and when a guy has nice feet, I usually like to touch 'em."
If he thinks you're weird for liking feet, and you're hiding this, sooner or later you're going to feel frustrated, like you're keeping a secret (which you are). And if he eventually finds out that you DO like feet, he might just possibly wonder what other secrets you're keeping.
It sounds like you are a bit ashamed of liking feet. Until you can eliminate that feeling, you're always going to feel like a bit of a freak.
I came out at the 1988 Bare Chest Contest in San Francisco, when Mr. Marcus read the cue cards each contestant submitted. ONe of the questions was, "Do you have any fetishes?" and I thought, "Well, this is as good a crowd to come out to as any [it being a leather crowd], so I wrote I like feet. When Mr. Marcus read that, the crowd murmured and guys looked at each other in an approving way. (Mr. Marcus, on the spot, also revealed that he, too, had a foot fetish,and proceeded to tell me where to go to find the guys with the most beautiful feet, all this happening on stage in front of 100 guys! I thanked him for the information and then the contest resumed.)

The judges then proceeded to grill me on how I could tell a guy had nice feet. One of them said, "you can't exactly walk up to a guy and ask him to take off his shoes and socks, now can you?" He was being snarky, and it showed on his face, but I just smiled and said, "you look at his hands. If he has nice hands, chances are he'll have nice feet." (Now, I KNOW that that doesn't hold true all the time: the shape of a guy's feet could be nice, but his toenails could be a disaster, but all things being equal, the feet will be nicely shaped unless the guy's been wearing shoes that screwed up his feet). The crowd loved it. And some of the guys started looking at other guys' hands...
Shame is the biggest killer of anything in a person's psyche. And it's an internal thing: it's not coming from the disapproval of others, it comes from you hearing this tape that's constantly running in your head and the voice on that tape is [always] disapproving of you as a person. Ditch it. And if your boyfriend makes fun of you for telling him you like feet, it should tell you something about his nature as well. I wouldn't expect a long and happy relationship with someone who makes you feel like a freak over something so exceedingly common in the erotic spectrum of human sexuality.

[yr2feetz]

Ive been with a guy 25 years, and liked feet for longer than that. I brought it up once, like 23 yrs ago, he was turned off by it, and didnt have great feet anyway. So during sex, it was always the fantasy of servicing a guys feet. In the begining it was his feet in the fantasy, but that changed to the manager of the rite aid, than to the straight guy on the corner, and on and on...Than i found Kink videos, that got me thru the next decade!!! Sex stopped altogether after that. After the the videos, came the PC, and the foot parties in new york, And for the last 5 years ive been paying guys for their feet. He gets off from watching porn sites, the kind u pay for by the minute. He doesnt know i know, but i get the credit cards bill so i see how much time a month he spends watching. I on the other hand have a buisness card that he doesnt know anything about. Weve built a beautiful life together, are both buisness owners, have enough money, and are very happy.I dont know, but i couldnt imagine being together this long if i had told him and he said it was cool. The same feet for 25 years? I dont think so. It may seem like a lot of cheating on my part, and i guess it is. I mean i do pay guys sometimes 2 or 3 times a week. Its hot guys, and definetly addicting. :( I see us being together forever,but as far as sex with him, i couldnt... Im only into servicing a guys feet. So good luck to everyone, its hard out there.

[Head2Foot]

Footboi: We don't wear signs that tell others what we are interested in or what kind of character we have. We have to discover those things in developing interactions with others. There could be seven guys interested in feet who are standing within 25 feet of you in a bar, but if you're not connecting with those particular guys, you will never know.

Scott: Haven't you had sex with your boyfriend? During love making, reach down and touch his feet, start caressing them as you would any other part of his body. He might very well like it. Then progress from there.

Guys, you have to communicate with others, whether it is verbally or through touch or other action. It's not necessary to announce that you have a foot fetish--unless, of course, that is the only thing you are interested in. If you just make feet part of your regular sexual adventure with another guy, along with cock-sucking and nipple play and other activities, you may find some very willing foot partners.

[akeel]

I have been in the gay life for 26 years and have only met one other guy that has a foot fetish. Maybe some guys have it and just don't bring it up because of embarrassment. My boyfriend has beautiful feet but I haven't said anything to him because I don't want him to think I'm strange.


Scott, you have GOT to change your attitude. You have no idea how lucky you are 1) to have a relationship with someone you are sharing your life with and 2) a boyfriend who you think has beautiful feet. How do you contain yourself in expressing yourself sexually? It must be difficult. This attitude is what the heterosexual community has been cultivating out of a social fear to be honest with oneself sexually. Men end up taking lovers or going to prostitutes to experiment sexually because they're afraid to tell the one they love they want to be spanked or be the spanker, have their feet licked or be the foot licker, want to be tied up or be the one who ties up, or whatever fantasies they are eager to explore.


You should be open with him. Sex shouldn't be just bj's and/or anal. It should be about who you are and who your partner is. It should be an open and honest expression of sexual desire and emotional gratification. Homosexuals should not be repeating history.

I say this not in criticism, but in encouraging younot to closet your fetish. It gets weird, dark and lonely in those closets.

[JohnRice]

Every situation is unique, so there is no one answer that will fit all situations.

I've met a few guys into feet care of foot parties in Chicago, thanks to announcements on this board. Great fun when things worked well. But beyond that, I've only once met a guy into feet. My friend's boyfriend.

My lover isn't into feet. And while it may be true, one can play here and wander there during the act of sex, it isn't the same to play with a guy's feet if they aren't into it, but just tolerating it until you move onto to something they're really focused on. -It's a world of difference to have foot play with a guy who practically swoons when feet are in his face. Or pops major wood at having his feet, or touching feet in even the slightest way. (I can only imagine how glorious it would be to be foot to foot with someone as into it as PeterLondon.) !

As much as I might like feet, I love my partner even more. So it doesn't bother me in the slightest that he isn't into feet. I get my fix, mostly through pics of feet... or the rare foot vid. And rarer still, actual foot play.

I find it too complicated to explain all this to guys at foot parties. When the question comes up, "Are you single?" the first thing thing that comes to mind is you're 'cheating' on your boyfriend... Understandable. -And common enough that I don't bother attending foot parties.

For now, I'm trying to talk my friend's partner into the occasional foot massage. Thankfully, we are all comfortable enough with each other that it isn't a threat to our friendship or their relationship... I just can't get the guy in a room -alone- to get my fix. (It would feel odd to have someone watching.)

I have a straight friend who wouldn't mind a foot massage. But he has dogs that run in and out a lot... I keep wishing the floors were cleaner. Or he were just out of the shower. I'd volunteer a foot rub in a heartbeat. -Okay, maybe way too much information...

What were we talking about???

ps.

Love that foot pic!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hot. Hot feet on a hot, hot guy.

[BootsMcGraw]

Ive [sic] been with a guy 25 years.... Sex stopped altogether.... He doesnt [sic] know i [sic] know, but i [sic] get the credit cards bill.... I... have a buisness [sic] card that he doesnt [sic] know anything about. Weve [sic] built a beautiful life together....
Call me old-fashioned, but does anyone else see the glaring inconsistencies of stating that not having sex and engaging in clandestine behavior are part of a "beautiful life together"?

[akeel]

Call me old-fashioned, but does anyone else see the glaring inconsistencies of stating that not having sex and engaging in clandestine behavior are part of a "beautiful life together"?

I was actually going to comment on that too, but I felt "to each their own." These two individuals obviously get the comfort and security of being in a relationship of companionship, but are sexually mismatched. I don't get this kind of relationship, but I can't tell them it's wrong. But saying "imagine the same feet for 25 years?" is kind of like saying "imagine the same vagina/dick for 25 years?"

[JohnRice]

Hey Boots,

There are a million stories in the Naked City.

I've seen stories all over the map. I have a good friend in his 50's who is obsessed with guys in their 20's. He rarely has sex with his 50 something partner anymore... and thanks to blessed genes, he manages to have a good deal of success with the younger crowd. They are very happy in their relationship of 24 yrs. and still going strong.

I know guys who are very into their fetish. They have non-sexual, long time partners with much of their energy spent exploring their fetish outside the relationship. All seem happy in their relationship. -17 yrs. 12 yrs. going strong. If you can imagine it, there's probably someone out there living it.

By contrast, I've known guys with fierce determination to have a monogamous committed relationship... only to have 5 yr. life spans, 6 months, 1 year... often with much drama and baggage at the end. The human heart is a mysterious thing. All the more mysterious when you bring 2 of them together.

If the bonds that tie are stronger than the bonds of separation, about any sort of relationship can be held in a balance. Being open about one's interests is certainly a good rule to follow. But it will not guarantee any PARTICULAR outcome.

By example...

for you outspoken guys with foot fetishes... if your boyfriend replies to your foot declaration with, "well you know... I've always been interested in piss."...

What happens next?

[Shale]

Loved the conversation here and I believe one should be open with their partner about their particular likes and dislikes. Why I told my wife when we first hooked up that I was into men. Enjoyed sex with her for 20 years and never did another woman in that time, but did a couple of guys. She understood there was something I needed that she couldn't give.

Guess that would apply to those guys who are desperate to do feet, stepping out on their partners to get what the partner can't provide.

Now me, I am not a foot fetishist (relative to some guys on this board).

I love to give foot massages, especially on a well constructed, beautiful foot. I even like to sniff them and lick them, and suck toes - but it is not my primary sexual focus and I sniff and lick every other part of the body.

To me, my foot thing is just a part of overall sexuality, same as licking armpits or butt holes or sucking nipples or cock. Oh, I too lived with a guy and we did not have sex with each other that much. I have been into twinks since I was one. That switch is still turned on even tho the boys are the age of my grandsons now. So I liked the response that there are all sorts of relationships - try not to be too judgmental about how other ppl manage to live and express love to each other.

Oh, to satisfy the picture board here is a pic of me, sucking Raul's toes. Like I said, I am not a foot fetishist.

[akeel]

for you outspoken guys with foot fetishes... if your boyfriend replies to your foot declaration with, "well you know... I've always been interested in piss."...

What happens next?

Touché, JohnRice ... touché.

[greatlakesbud]

I can't imagine being in a "relationship" with someone who didn't share my fetish. My partner and I have been together almost 11 years. He does not have a foot fetish but of course indulges mine.

He has size 16 feet. He'll wear whatever sneakers or shoes or sox he'll think turn me on, so later in the day I'll be all horned-up for his sweaty feet. He'll even let me know he's horny by wiggling his sox or toes at me. Once he got a hole in his gold toes and said "Hey look...bet this would turn one of your foot pervs on." If he's not in the mood and I am, he'll still say "You want to play with my feet?"

He is awesome. I'm happy and lucky I know that I found a guy with delicious feet, and I hope that you guys here on the board who haven't yet, keep looking and find that special guy who will share his life and his feet with you.

[gbmcleod]

Part of compatibility is being honest with each other UP FRONT. Not AFTER you get married. Isn't the whole idea of a good relationship honesty??

People go into relationships for different reasons: some go into it to avoid loneliness, some for compainonship, some for the whole bag: emotional, physical, spiritual. If you're equals, that's great. But as a therapist once told me, when you have one person operating on a low level, and one on a high level, the one on the high level is eventually going to leave because they're not getting their needs met. And the only way to find that out is by being honest.
Your "piss" example is a great one. So, what, you mean you don't tell someone what you like and you suppress it for an entire lifetime? If you can do that, fine, but the reality is as the other poster put it, you end up finding prostitutes and other partners. If you have an arrangement with your partner, well, fine. But otherwise, your relationship is based on fear: fear of being left if he "finds out" you have a particular desire you're taking outside the relationship.
I was lucky enough, as I've said (endlessly) to live in San Francisco for 30 years. I never hid my foot fetish, and if my partner was put off by it, he simply wasn't the guy for me to consider spending 30 years with. My later lover knew I loved his feet, and even went so far as to remove a blemish on his ankle for me. He passed away 18 years later.
I think the thing is to find someone with whom you can be YOU, as much of YOU as possible. I recently decided that I had to be with a guy who likes feet, nippleplay (something I ALSO couldn't live without) and leans towards being a bottom. I could have been married several times by now if I'd put aside any of those desires: I would also be (unsatisfied and) looking at half the guys walking down the street desiring them instead of my lover because he's not meeting my needs. That's not "joy" to me: that's torture. Not only that, but I'd feel like a fraud, something that is anathema to me. I've made compromises, mostly when I was young -- and didn't know any better. That day and that time passed -- long ago. I don't want that, so I'll be single. Even now, I have a profile on Silverdaddies that expresses EXACTLY who I am, (a friendly guy, warm, playful, silly, smart -- and into mansmells [feet, too]) and I don't lack for responses. And I'm 58! (Someone I decided not to date told me in a "sharing email" that he hoped that, when he reached my age, HE didn't reject a guy simply because they lacked a sense of humour! If I didn't know I was smart to follow my heart before that moment, I sure knew it when I read that email. The things people tell themselves in order to "get" [not to love, just to "get"].....wow.....). That's a lonely life, even WITH a partner, from what I can see -- and observed-- in my life in San Francisco.

People think suppressing their sexuality is some minor thing, but that's simply a fantasy -- something straight people are well aware of. I don't know why gay men have come to think "I should be happy with a great guy" if the great guy is a sexual mismatch. Just having that thought means you're NOT happy, but you're trying to guilt-trip yourself into the idea that you're selfish to want a great guy who also satisfies you IN THE MOST IMPORTANT WAYS THAT KEEP YOU SATISFIED. That's drivel. I do think that being gay does mean, for many of us, that we could end up alone, and it's that fear that drives us. But that's the point: It's fear driving the car, not Love. I wouldn't choose that any more than I'd choose to have a drunk driver drive the car. BUT, and I do mean this: that's me.

Hoever, I can understand that if you've been alone for a long time and your'e thinking "I'll never find anyone to love me" (frankly, I always have someone who loves me: ME) and one day this guy comes along, you might think, "this is my only chance." And, you might well choose to leave behind those secret desires and other people who might, if you wait long enough, fulfill them. However, when you make THAT choice, along with that guy you DO get, and those other possilibilities (or lack of possibilities) and those guys you DIDN'T get, you are leaving someone else behind and the person you're leaving behind is....you.

[JohnRice]

Sexuality and 'needs' are an ever evolving process. It is dynamic, not static. What one may NEED at the beginning of a relationship may eventually bear little resemblance to needs 5 yrs., 10 yrs. down the line. -I could not be 'honest' about a need for foot play when I met my partner because I had no developed interest in feet when we met. Not year one, not year 5, not year 8. In fact, it wasn't until late in life and care of the internet and visited foot sites that a spark was set. And even in that beginning, I went to them not for feet, but the type of 'guy next door' look I admired. -I believe it was CA West (???) who struck the chord in me. (Anyone else remember that guy???) He INSTANTLY made me hunger feet. Didn't know I had it in me. Over time, positive reinforcement has strengthened the interest.

Still, I don't feel I'm leaving anything of myself behind. And maybe that's the point where our positions intersect. In the statement that: you need to be you. For myself, my need for love, companionship, sexual gratification, etc. are completely met by my partner without foot play. In part because I have a very comfortable sense of understanding the difference between what I 'want' vs. what I need. I love to watch rimming in porn. More than anything else, rimming is the part that gets me off. Love it, love it, love it. But I have no need to do it. And if I never did it, I would not feel my life any less complete. -I guess it comes down to I like it but I don't need it.

Years ago, I was in a theater watching the movie Tax Zum Klo. And there was this cute, HOT gas station attendant in a brief scene. I was like, "Oh god! Why couldnt' THIS guy be the star of the film? He's gorgeous." Later in the movie, he makes a reappearance and my heart was all aflutter to see him again. Yeah! -Only to have my cheer dashed all to heck, as he proceeded to lay down and let the star of the movie piss in his mouth. I was so grossed out... Cut to present day and I wouldn't bash an eyelash watching that scene. In fact, I find it hot. (Even though I'm not turned on at all by drinking piss in thought or deed.) I would watch piss play. -But I have no need to do it.

What I need is a loving, respectful, kind, sharing, intimate -sexual- relationship with a partner. What I need is space to develop and grow as a human being. Ever evolving wants and needs, beliefs and knowledge. And to afford that space to my partner and other people in my life. I am on a journey to help them and myself on a path to person realization. And it is true, that journey can pull us towards and away from each other. But I do not live 'in fear', in the least. If there's something my partner needs to do that I can't give him, I want him to have them. Not as a sign of failure in our relationship. But out of respect and understanding that no one completely completes another person. And when he's done, I will be there waiting for him with every ounce of my love and being.

These other little things are icing on the cake. But cake isn't a core food. It will make you fat and sick if not held in a balance.

Maybe it goes no farther than myself and my own response mechanisms, but I've found it lacking to do any activity with someone who is only tolerating the activity, not turned on by it. However lovely they might be otherwise. -I suspect that is the reason people give their partner the space to explore those things. It isn't so much a lack of communication or dishonesty. On the contrary, you get to know your partner REALLY well over time. That 'you can finish their sentence' thing. And while not accurate 100% of the time, I would wager most partners get an understanding of what isn't going to push their partners button. And they both know it. So the question comes up again, knowing these things, "What happens next?"

Quote: "Your "piss" example is a great one. So, what, you mean you don't tell someone what you like and you suppress it for an entire lifetime?"

No. The point of my piss example is to put this conversation in the context of our partner, rather than ourselves for a moment. And lets talk about servicing the needs of our partner's fetishes. We've been declarative about our needs and how we want to be open about our needs. To quote again, "I can't imagine being in a "relationship" with someone who didn't share my fetish."

-Well, doesn't that sound one sided, doncha think? :-)

How far are we willing to go for him?

ps.

Someone needs to throw some hot foot pics up here... or Boots is going to kick our sorry asses to another board.

[JohnRice]

I'll lead.

My boyfriend has a fascination with trannies. Not that they need boobs or anything... but I know he likes effeminate men, very thinly built, soft and effete. We were in New York once at a fine dining, Japanese tranny resteraunt where all the waiters were in full drag. You would think they were women, they were so good. He is into oriental men as well, so this hit both his buttons big time. His eyes were wide as saucers!!! I'm sure he was rock hard and leaking the whole meal.

-I am anything but that. I watch football, love to lift weights (on again, off again...). I will change my socks every day, even put on a new shirt every now and again... but it defies the imagination to think I would make any effort to put on mascara or a pair of silk panties and tuck my privates. Not going to happen.

Now I know this falls under my rimming category for him. He likes it but he's never felt the need to act on it. And if he ever does, he's going outside the relationship. -I'll put on a jockstrap. But no panties.

And he knows I love him completely.

Is he selling himself short? I doubt it. He knows he has the free reign from me to act on this if he wants. I think he's crazy to be satisfied with me... but that seems to be the case.

[Head2Foot]

JohnRice, what an intelligent post! I say that, of course, because your basic philosophy matches pretty closely what kept my partner and me together for over four decades, until he died earlier this year. Every relationship is different but what allowed ours to flourish was the space we gave each other to develop as individuals each with our own interests, friends, and sexual adventures. What didn't change from youth to maturity was the home we made together and the respect and love we had for each other.

I've found that the subject of this thread--and this holiday season--have brought many thoughts, many memories to the surface including a few tears and, fortunately, many smiles.

[gbmcleod]

that it works.
The thing is, as many of us know, we DON'T share our desires, but keep them secret, which is what kills the joy in a relationship.
And if you don't NEED something, but it's simply a pleasant fal-de-ra that you can take or leave, that's different than if you need something to be satisfied, which is why I typed it in caps. For most of us, feet is an integral part of our desires, and not something easily pushed down. And, as you posited, it didn't come to you until later in your relationship. I submit to your assertions that you had other things that were more important by then. My foot thing was in full play by 25, but I'd noticed mens' feet before then. When I reallzed how essential it was to me, for me to suppress it was no more possible than suppressing the need to kiss deeply and be kissed deeply in return. And that is what I mean by leaving parts of ourselves behind. I would not, under any normal circumstances, give up kissing to be with a guy, no matter how considerable his other virtues (nor could I understand how someone who professed deep love would not WANT to kiss me deeply). I simply wouldn't go down that path once I discovered that (which, in my life, would have happened before I got deeply involved emotionally).
The (to others) tiresome subject of race must rear it's head for a moment: I have had partners who were white, but when I discovered they wanted me to ignore all that I had to deal with simply BEING Black and just have a "nice" relationship with them, I was gone. I didn't choose to be Black, but it's my ethnicity and it comes with joys and problems. To be with them, I would have to not discuss, as a fictional example, a boss who was clearly prejudiced against my ethnicity and someone I had to deal with on a day-to-day basis. To do that, I would be killing my entire spirit. There are things that can be muted, things that cannot -- and should not -- be muted, and things that should be integral. Ethnicity is not going to be static as long as I am Black: it's a constant dynamic (and a damned interesting one, now that we are about to have a Black president. I never thought, in my lifetime, to see that day...). My color, though a guy sees that the moment he lays eyes on me. I cannot hide it, it cannot be something "discovered" over time. It's there. BAM! Right in front of your eyes.
I have learned, from living as a Black man, to also not minimize my needs. Feet are included in my needs. They may not be in yours. I have a lot of experience over 6 decades of behaviours I had to hide (60s and 70s), behaviours I could express (in a "genteel" way, so as not to frighten people (80s and 90s) and behaviours that no longer scare people to death (present time, but only in certain company). So, due to society's tiresome myths about my ethnicity, I know what's important to me and what will NOT change over time. And, as long as we are doing what we do out of Love, not Fear, I'm sure we'll all be fine. The trick is in not kidding ourselves about whether it's being done out of Love or out of Fear. You reached the Love first, the desire for feet came later, and you were ensconced in your relationship. You had a solid anchor and then the buoy drifted outwards from that anchor a bit furthur than it had (your discovery of feet). But you still are anchored, and so, you're still with your guy. For many guys, the feet thing came BEFORE the relationship. Those are the people who have to make the choice of leaving parts of themselves behing to be with someone who, ultimately, will make them feel incomplete sexually. That's not a very pleasant choice -- unless one wants to wander. And some partners are okay with the "wandering," but that has its own built-in hazards, too.

Here's a pic to justify the thread.....

[ftlaudft]

These posts are amazing. Virtually ALL the posts in this thread and also in footboi's thread on confusing footplay with aggression show the sensitive, profound, humane facets of our diamond light personalities. I feel I'm in really great company.

[greatlakesbud]

Black is as beautiful as white, red...
It seems that much of the unhappiness expressed in this thread comes simply from not being true to oneself and suppressing inner desire and making sacrifices against ones nature.
Let it go and let it out.
Nobody makes fun of str8 guys obssessed with boobs, so what's the big deal about feet?
Again, there's nothing more fulfilling than a companion/partner that allows you to indulge and express your sexuality (fetishes, etc.), and I sincerely hope that those still looking for that special guy find him and not settle for less.
It's a big world out there but there really is someone for everyone. He might not come along when you want him to, but you have to keep yourself open to the possibilty he's out there.

[flickfire]

The world is probably full of millions of people( both and gay str8) in committed relationships that fool around with other people on the side. Maybe it's just a natural part of human nature to be attracted to different people throughout one's lifetime.

[BootsMcGraw]

Howdy, y'all.

A very interesting discussion going on here. Unfortunately, it has veered wildly from foottboi's question.

We're rapidly heading towards the traditional "monogamy versus polyamory" debate. While there is always room for more insight on such a topic, it is no longer relevant to the original subject matter.

I encourage anyone who would like to continue with the thoughts posted here to start a new thread in the "Off Topic" section of the message board.

This thread is closed.