I met a girl...

[eagle024]

So, I'm not sure if this title will provoke much interest on this board, but I'm hoping that some of you out there might have some thoughts to share...

I recently met a girl and we've started dating. Things are in the early stages but I like her a lot. I could go on and on about her, but suffice it to say, that I think about her all the time and am very attracted to her. I am actually enjoying the courtship process, which usually bugs the hell out of me. I really like being with her and could see this becoming something serious...

But there's a part of me that won't be fully satisfied by ANY woman. That is the part of me that brings me to this board. I figure I will always have a sexual interest in men, particularly focused on their feet.

For the record, I am a foot "virgin." To date, I have quenched this appetite privately by looking at stuff online but it's an increasingly unsatisfying outlet. I've never actually been involved in foot play with another guy but I feel like my life is constrained by not exploring these feelings. While I wish I could open that door, I feel that doing so would be totally incompatible with a life centered on a female partner... I'm really drawn to the idea of having a male friend on the side who I meet up with for some fun, but don't see any way to integrate that into the rest of my life.

Do any of you out there have wives/girlfriends AND footbuddies? How do you reconcile or resolve your different desires?

I'd be grateful for thoughts from any of you..
Thanks.

[drummer]

You know, this particular combination of sexual interests seems to be far more common than I would have guessed, years ago, before I ran into many other men who had a sexual interest in feet.

The difficulty has two parts, and you're probably best off dealing with each separately.

The first is a confusion about what they like to call "sexual orientation" nowadays--that's really the easier part; coming to terms with the fact that, although you are primarily more interested in women, romantically, you still enjoy a number of sexually-charged scenarios that involve males and their feet.

The second has to do with how to reconcile a romantic attachment and allegiance to one partner while seeking sexual gratification with somebody different--that's a different, and a somewhat more difficult issue, that's really separate from that of sexual interest.

So I'd say you have to start by sorting things out into at least these two separate matters, and thinking about each separately.

[eagle024]

Drummer,

Thanks very much for your comments. I agree there are two questions here, but they are at least somewhat tied up in each other.

With regards to the first question, I have no question in my mind that I am to some degree bisexual (to put a label on it if I must). I'm certainly physically attracted to men (and obviously their feet) and I'm emotionally and physically attracted to women - from a dating and relationship standpoint, I'm drawn towards being with a woman.

But the answer to the first question creates a problem regarding the second question. Being with a woman or a man in the long term is going to leave me somewhat less than satisfied. Maybe this is just the plight of all bi guys and I've just got to come to grips with that...

Anyone out there have a spouse/partner that condones their footplay? Or guys who have developed footplay tactics that they don't consider to be "cheating?)

[ericgivesitatry]

If she has nice feet, that will be all you will need. You may have the urge for guy's feet once in awhile but if she has great feet and satisfies you sexually, then just be happy.

You probably can't have it both ways. She might not like the idea of you getting off on guy's feet but she probably wouldn't like you getting off on girl's feet either other than hers.

Complex question with no really simple answers.

Good luck.

(I'd stick with the girl - it will work itself out). If it were me...

[Serph789]

So, I'm not sure if this title will provoke much interest on this board, but I'm hoping that some of you out there might have some thoughts to share...

I recently met a girl and we've started dating. Things are in the early stages but I like her a lot. I could go on and on about her, but suffice it to say, that I think about her all the time and am very attracted to her. I am actually enjoying the courtship process, which usually bugs the hell out of me. I really like being with her and could see this becoming something serious...

But there's a part of me that won't be fully satisfied by ANY woman. That is the part of me that brings me to this board. I figure I will always have a sexual interest in men, particularly focused on their feet.

For the record, I am a foot "virgin." To date, I have quenched this appetite privately by looking at stuff online but it's an increasingly unsatisfying outlet. I've never actually been involved in foot play with another guy but I feel like my life is constrained by not exploring these feelings. While I wish I could open that door, I feel that doing so would be totally incompatible with a life centered on a female partner... I'm really drawn to the idea of having a male friend on the side who I meet up with for some fun, but don't see any way to integrate that into the rest of my life.

Do any of you out there have wives/girlfriends AND footbuddies? How do you reconcile or resolve your different desires?

I'd be grateful for thoughts from any of you..
Thanks.

i have the same problem dude . My first girlfriend was actually into the idea of me being attracted to guys feet but my current one has no idea and i gotta tell you the tought of telling her makes me nervous lol . So I have decided not to for the time being and I have to agree with ericgivesitatry

[ropedfeet]

Well I will say that to me, and I think to most of the world, Any sexual activity that goes on without the person you are with knowing about it would be considered "No Fair", especially if you do not want your partner to be doing similar things with other people.


I think this rule would apply whether your partner is same sex or opposite sex, male or female.

Now some couples have an open relationship, where each is allowed to have sexual activity with other people. That would be different.

Also some couples have 3 ways. You could bring another man into the equation on occasion and everything would be on the up and up that way.



To me Any activity that would lead to having an orgasm would be considered a Sexual Encounter. Lets not call anything other than what it really is here. That would apply to " footbuddies" too.

I have to agree, this is not an easy situation to be in.

I would also say that living with guilt is not fun. Nor would it be fair to the other person if they are staying within the agreements that they think apply to the relationship.

Then of course there is the option of being a single person who makes no hard commitments to any other person. That seems like the only truly honest and guilt free option to me, unless as I stated before you are in an open relationship where each partner is free to have separate sexual encounters with others.

[eagle024]

These are all really interesting replies. And just a couple of things to add...

To Eric's point/suggestion - I am really not that attracted to women's feet. I'm not unattracted to them, but they don't arouse me the way some guys' feet do.

I'm really drawn towards being with this girl - and the possibility of living a single life that ropedfeet put out there is not appealing to me in the long term. I really want to have a family, so a long-term, and faithful, relationship is important to me.

But if the kind of thing we do on this site constitutes infidelity (and i realize it might), am I just screwed? i can't rid myself of my interest in feet anymore than I wished it upon myself in the first place...

[ftlaudft]

What's the question again? "'Am I just screwed?" Well, buddy, that just may be the case. You want a faithful bride from Column A; a family from Column B; and some male feet to slurp on from Column C. I'm afraid our restaurant of life just can't accommodate you. You can have the soupe du jour, all right. But you're going to have to do without the dumplings.

Choices. Options. That's what life is all about. And only you can decide your choices, after evaluating your options, because only you will be responsible for what and who you see in the mirror when you look at yourself at the end of the day. What do you want to see? Who do you want to become?

You can choose a partner, promise to be faithful, and stick to that goal to the best of your ability. You can pull a sly one, cross your fingers when you make your vows, and then cheat to your heart's content, since cheating is a problem only if it's discovered. The world is full of broken marriages and lives ruined by cheaters who almost got away with it, who almost got away with that affair ("'It only happened once!") with that shabby someone ("Honestly, he didn't mean anything to me!") in a moment of weakness ("'I must have drunk too much so it wasn't my fault"')

Ropie above mentions the option of staying single. That seems to work for a lot of us who want to give a lot of love to a lot of people but we don't want to make hard commitments and tie ourselves and others down in a relationship that will hinder rather than help our growth. For gay people especially who don't want to imitate the hetero couples around us, for gay people who aren't interested in floating down a church aisle in a white gown or matching tuxedos, the single lifestyle can offer much personal fulfillment. Each must choose his own way.

Whatever kind of partnership or solo lifestyle we may choose, we all have to sort out our desires and establish priorities. And we really shouldn't blame the stars, the gods, or the heavens for desires that are impossible to satisfy. I lust after Ricky Martin and would love to hide under his bed when he returns home at night and takes off his shoes and socks. You know what? I don't think that's gonna happen! And I'm not mad at Saint Paphnutia of the Holy Sandals for not making it happen. Another hunk I lust for is the Finnish actor Mikko Nousiainen. He's got Nordic good looks and long, strong Scandinavian feet which I would love to sniff. But you know what? It's not gonna happen! And I'm not mad at Sant Olaf of the Tundra for not making it happen. I live in Florida so if I want love and feet and great music and fun all I have to do is walk to the beach and hope I don't get hit on the head by a coconut.

Maybe we need to learn to embrace our desires with gratitude, accept with joy all the great options we have in our individual realities, and then go out and help ourselves and others to live as fully and meaningfully as we can. What else is there?

[ropedfeet]

Once again FtLaud has put his singular style on his reply, and I must say he did a great job of it as usual. Lots to think about indeed, here is some more.....

I do have to clear something up that I mentioned in my post that maybe was not read the way I intended it to be. When I mentioned that having an encounter in real life with a " foot buddy" would certainly be considered cheating, I was not talking about coming to a site to look at and get aroused by pictures. I believe eagle024 took it that way though.


I'm not sure that looking at pictures and things like that would constitute infidelity in the strictest sense of the word. I do know that fantasies are an outlet that many people use to spice things up in a relationship. I also believe that all of our fantasies do not have to be revealed to our " significant others". In fact I think that many of them should remain just in our heads.

But that is the world of Fantasy.

What I was talking about was Real Live meetings with another person to get your rocks off. That of course would without a doubt be cheating. There is NO question about that.

But let's face it, everywhere we look we are exposed to guys in sandals and flips and barefoot, so really the internet does not even matter in all this except that is is a private way to indulge fantasies.


I see that you mention eagle that you may consider yourself to be to "some degree" bisexual. Maybe you should try to find a woman who considers herself to be bisexual too. At least in that situation your partner would truly understand your attractions to other men. I am not saying that a situation like that would be a simple answer to your predicament, BUT, maybe it would be the right direction to go in to be able to find some livable solution to all this for you. There are many many people who are attracted to both men and women.


Are you attractions to men maybe deeper than you might think they are? Its just a question to ask yourself.


Either way I sense that you are not the type of guy who would feel good living a lie with someone you cared about. Even when people don't " get caught" it can feel pretty rotten. That may even be worse to live with actually.

[ftlaudft]

Right again, Ropie! I'm watching out for melting icicles! Hell must have frozen over because I'm agreeing with everything you say!

The wonderful world of fantasy can help us cope with and solve many problems. For example, we may be in a relationship in which we have promised to be faithful, yet we find it difficult to satisfy all our urges. But if we coordinate our imagination with our fingers we can often create a beautiful erotic experience, a virtual sexual adventure, and it can satisfy without our having to resort to an adulterous encounter behind the bushes. It's called masturbation.

Whack away, people! Nature put it within reach just so you could do it. So do it!

If your partner walks in on you and finds you in bed with the UPS guy, he - or she - has every right to get pissed off, even if you're only sucking his toes and sniffing his feet. But if your partner, or husband, or wife, or whatever, walks in on you while you're whacking away to the latest update of ToeGasms or LucasEntertainment, your partner may be annoyed at your bad timing and lack of discretion, but it won't wind up in the divorce court. Practice makes perfect and judicious masturbation simply paves the way for a richer experience later on. Your partner knows that and may even help you mop up.

They used to tell us not to masturbate because if we did, it would make the saints weep. That's a lie. If anything, the saints are smiling and placing bets with cloud tufts and harp strings to see which of us comes first or who has the longest dong.

Jacking off can be a wonderful private solution for private problems and urges. Go ahead! You know you want to. And we won't stand behind you and watch. Unless of course that's part of your fantasy!

[cheesehead]

I don't mean to sound harsh but I get so sick and tired of bisexual men who say they are physically attracted to other men but only emotionally attracted to women. The two forms of desire always go hand in hand in varying degrees.
Maybe I am just a little jaded but to me when bisexual men make the above statement it is more often than not just a cowardly cop out to take the easy heterosexual approach to life rather than to allow themselves to comprehend that they are indeed capable of loving another man and that aproach to life reeks of deception, both self deception in the form of sublimation as well as deceiving the world around you when it comes to what your hearts desires may or may not be. This is 2010. There is no reason to force yourself to live a heterosexual life if you feel that it may not be really right for you and if you are truly honest with yourself you will more likely than not discover that you do indeed have the capacity to love another man as well as a woman.
My advice to you is to be true to yourself and listen honestly to what your heart and desires truly want not what is "easier" or more socially acceptable, and then act accordingly.
Whether you end up with a man or a woman you are going to have to be gut level honest with yourself about what you truly want or else you will never be able to be honest with any partner you may have whether they are male or female which means in all likelyhood you aren't going to be able to have it both ways unless your girlfriend or wife is ok with you being a swinger or you could end up being one of those men who live their life on the "down low" breaking hearts of both sexes on a regular basis, breaking the hearts of women whenever they discover your infidelity and breaking the hearts of men by denying them the chance to love you because your pride won't allow the relationship to be anything more than sexual, even if the chemistry is there.
As for having a family, the last time I checked same sex adoption is still legal so the whole I want to have a family excuse is pretty much moot.

[ftlaudft]

Cheesehead, I share your belief completely that the best way to live is to be true to yourself, to listen to your heart and desires and to act accordingly. When you describe the mess people get into when they "'try to have it both ways"' I know just what you mean because I know men who have tried to live a straight marriage with occasional trips behind the bushes for gay relief. And as you note, it is 2010 and the vice squad is not going to break down your bedroom door to see who's on top.

But figuring out our sexual identity is still not an easy matter. I still remember when I couldn't admit to anyone I was gay or I would have lost my job. I know people whose relatives were permanently damaged by electric schock treatments to "'straighten"' them out. Most people my age know people who were disowned by their families because of a gay affair or were kicked out of the military because Uncle Sam found out somehow they were gay. The laws of those times have changed. The attitudes have also changed. But not entirely. Not completely. And people trying to figure out their sexual identity have to reckon the consequences of living in a society that isn't always fair and just. Homophobia and machismo are still around. And sex is very complex.

When I first discovered this site, I was really surprised by people who wrote in that they loved men's feet but wanted to have sex only with women. I thought they must be closeted bisexuals and hoped they would get the courage to come out. But there were many who repeated the same thing, who stated their preferences very clearly and intelligently and who had no reason to distort or camouflage anything. It just made no sense to me at all, this idea of going to bed with a woman for sex, but desiring a man from the ankles down - and nothing above the ankles. But I finally realized these guys are telling the truth about themselves and that there are more variations and varieties in patterns of human behavior than I had thought possible.

There may be some guys who are painfully trying to suppress their bisexuality. All we can do is try to encourage them to be themselves and try to set examples of positive living. We also have to learn to accept people with behavior differences we don't understand. If their preference harms no one and is part of who they really are, then we have to let them teach us to expand our horizons and welcome new shades and colors in our rainbow community.

Sometimes we have to cut each other a little slack.

[ropedfeet]

Wow, I have to say that Cheesehead does bring up some valid points in his post. I am also sure that his observations speak for many others who may have been keeping up with this thread.

I also dislike the whole notion of men on the "down low" for all the reasons Cheesehead stated above. Many of us have "bucked " the system" by refusing to live a life that we know was not right for us and for many people, male and female< that was and is not an easy road to take at all. In many instances it really takes a good amount of guts not to follow along with " the program" just to please the family or "society". And guess what? For the most part they do just fine.

I have met quite a few guys over the years who were gay but were trying to live a straight lifestyle for their families. and I have always asked them this question :

"Who are you asking to live their life to please you?"

The answer is always "nobody". Then I go on to ask them why they feel the need to live Their life to please others?

Other people, our parents included, did what they wanted to do with their lives. Many of them too did things that their parents were probably not crazy about, but it was THEIR life.

Its Your life, and that's what you owe yourself to do. Just keep everything honest to all concerned.


All this may or may not apply to eagle , but maybe it will give some food for thought to someone else in a similar situation.