When it's hopeless...

[SnowFanatic]

Though I'm fine with who I am, I've got to say that being gay can be so hopeless sometimes...
I'm working as a tour guide so I get to meet different people all the time. I had this uber gorgeous guy in the group today. Tall, handsome, and his face - ahh beautiful. With perfect feet to match. He was wearing flip flops and his feet - so well groomed, elegant, yet masculine at the same time. He was with his girlfriend of course. We talked a little bit and that was it. Quite depressing actually.
There was another guy few weeks ago, also gorgeous, although in a different way. Not as classically good looking or model-ish as this one, but there was that something about him...I was depressed for awhile after that and angry at myself cause I didn't try to talk to him more, just to try to stay in touch or something, cause he was really nice...he was with his girlfriend too.

Anyway, even if it doesn't happen to me that often, (I remember I felt the same way last year when I saw some guy once), and this now...it really does feel hopeless sometimes.

[gbmcleod]

I can imagine it can be lonely if straight guys are all you're meeting. But where do you live? Aren't there gay guys you can connect with?

[ftslave67]

I think you just need to get involved with something outside of work. Volunteer, get involved with a political org., take a class. You can't really be hitting on guys while you're working, and they are not around long-term anyway. Besides, falling for straight guys with girlfriends is setting yourself up for failure.

Hope things improve for you.

[ropedfeet]

Being gay is not hopeless, and feeling hopeless should have nothing to do with being gay.

Lots of people have the type of experiences you are talking about. Don't you think that a straight woman could meet guys at her work and feel the same way as you describe? It has nothing to do with being gay.

Don't you think that what you describe happens to straight guys who have the same type of job you do? They meet girls under the same conditions, and I am sure many of them wish they could get to know them better too.

We all meet or encounter people we find sexy or attractive. We all have out little fantasies about some of the people we meet in passing in our work world or just everyday life. It happens. But that's the way it is for everyone, and it should not become something to dwell upon or get depressed about. (And always remember that Many of the people who are seen as "prizes" or "perfect" could drive you up the wall if you knew them better.)


I hope you are not idealizing straight guys. I have known a few gay men over the years who seem to only see straight men as what they want or desire. That is not a great situation to choose to be in. And yes I used the word "choose".

I agree that you should get out and have some fun around other gay men. Is there a nice gay bar close to where you live? If you enjoy going out and having a few drinks that could be fun. And mind you I am Not saying to go out just looking to "score". Go out with the mindset of just being around other people and just having some fun. Or maybe there are clubs for an interest you have that are for gay guys. If you have friends that like to go out maybe it would be a good idea to go out with them, maybe to dinner or to go see movies. Sometimes we all have to push ourselves to get out there in the Actual World, not the cyber world of the internet. The internet is great, but there is Nothing that compares to meeting real live people and having some type of social life. The computer makes it Very easy for people to stop doing things and stay home.

I think we all have to give our lives a little Reality Check every once and a while.

Just remember that the feelings you are having are Not because of being gay. Unless the only guys you want or value or find attractive are straight guys. I hope that is not the case.

Get out there and meet some men who are available and looking to meet other men too. You'll probably have more fun than you think you would.

[SnowFanatic]

Thanks for everyone's input.

I didn't mean to sound like that. Of course I'm not idealizing straight guys, but for me it is a problem, trust me. I don't get to meet gay guys all that often. I live in a small town, and it's very conservative. There are no such things as gay bars here. Definitely not easy to meet someone.

Though it may not seem like that, but I'm not the type of person who gets desperate about things like that. I just wanted to whine a little bit. :p

In any case, we are minority, at least here where I live.

[Serph789]

so may I ask why some people are attracted to straight guys? What is it specifically about that orientation that is so alluring ? I personally have just come to terms with accepting that I indeed am Bisexual and my first crush on a guy was one of my class mates and he ,I presume , is straight.
Are some people attracted because despite knowing they cant have str8 guys they hold onto to that that hope that "maybe" just maybe their fantasies could actually play out ?

[BootsMcGraw]

[S]o may I ask why some people are attracted to straight guys? What is it specifically about that orientation that is so alluring?...
It's not that they're straight. It's that they're masculine. There seems to be a substantial subset of gay men who are simply turned off by the swishy, lispy, mincing, limp-wristed, faggy demeanor of so many gay men. If they wanted a woman, they'd be straight.

[dragonfly]

It's not that they're straight. It's that they're masculine. There seems to be a substantial subset of gay men who are simply turned off by the swishy, lispy, mincing, limp-wristed, faggy demeanor of so many gay men. If they wanted a woman, they'd be straight.

Boy it's nice to hear that. I only recently accepted I was gay because I couldn't reconcile my attraction to men with the stereotypical image of gay men promoted in movies and TV. I am not swishy, lispy, mincing or limp-wristed and I'm not the least be interested in men who are. If that's you're thing, fine but it's not me and it's very nice to find out there are a lot of people like me.

dragonfly

[Serph789]

It's not that they're straight. It's that they're masculine. There seems to be a substantial subset of gay men who are simply turned off by the swishy, lispy, mincing, limp-wristed, faggy demeanor of so many gay men. If they wanted a woman, they'd be straight.

but then again , there are some gay/bisexual men who do not project that sort of demeanor. I mean personally , I don't let my orientation define who I am as a person . Some people are just inclined to act feminine and they cant help it , so even though im not attracted to such personalities, I respect them for who they are. Besides str8 guys can be jerks XD

[Feet~First]

You slobbered a bib full there Boots! Two thumbs up!



It's not that they're straight. It's that they're masculine. There seems to be a substantial subset of gay men who are simply turned off by the swishy, lispy, mincing, limp-wristed, faggy demeanor of so many gay men. If they wanted a woman, they'd be straight.

[gbmcleod]

If you can't do it here, then where the hell CAN you do it?

After having read your explanation, I understand. It sounded to me, from your original post, that you might be living in some homophobic small town, which is why I asked where you lived.
It's completely understandable that it's hard -- if not impossible -- for you to meet guys, never mind a guy who understands (and encourages) your passion for feet. Even in big cities, there would be guys who, when you tell them that a goodlooking foot turns you on, would object to it. It seems that, only since flip-flops became popular (even Tevas didn't completely open guys up to being aware of feet, although it sure started the revolution!), have guys become aware of what their feet look like and that feet can be pretty attractive. And since younger guys have become pretty used to being in flips, and therefore, exposing the feet to the human eye, I'd suspect that they wouldn't find it odd that somebody notices their feet, since they're there for anyone, and EVERYone, to see. This is, as Martha Stewart used to say, a good thing.

I know it must be tough to be in a small town, with no gay bars, and have a passion (or fetish, as we call it, although I find it interesting to note that nobody thinks of a straight guy who likes big-breasted women as having a "fetish"), for sexy feet. Any passion that's off the, pardon the pun, straight and narrow, is considered a "fetish." You can include, spanking, tying someone up, putting whipped cream on someone as a fetish. Even being turned on to someone's muscles is a fetish, although one that is accepted more readily (since so many people act as though muscles only appeared after 1995, when plenty of us older guys had muscles in 1965, only it was less common then, but still, it was a turn-on for the less muscular, as I like to put it). These day, it's almost sine qua non that a guy has to muscular to be hot (which is a load of bull***). See the thread on here on 'nerds' to put that idea in its grave.

Be that as it may, I hope you don't take the comments about your noticing a straight guy who comes in with his girlfriend to mean that we think you're ONLY interested in straight guys (and these, days, I find myself wondering sometimes, what is 'straight', given how many straight guys our own Peter London seems to meet, and who don't mind a bit having their feet smelled, sucked, stuck in places the sun don't shine). It's only natural to assume that a guy with a girlfriend is straight. In any case, if that's all you're coming into contact with, and they have great feet, what the hell! The entire picture thread on models and famous guys is filled with photos of 'straight guys' (presumably) and there are so many guys on here lusting after David Beckham or any well-known (again, presumably) straight guys that it's not abnormal that you WOULDN'T think the guy's straight if he's with a woman.

That being-gay-in-a-small-town thing can be trying, as it seems to be in your case. I used to live in San Francisco, and - at least for now - I'm in a suburb of New Haven, CT. Fortunately, New Haven DOES have a gay bar, and I'm pretty open about admiring a guy's feet if he's in a gay bar, regardless of how he registers or responds to that. I hope your situation changes, or at least improves. Good luck.

[SnowFanatic]

Thanks for that, gbmcleod. I don't know if it's homophobic, but it's small and conservative.

When I opened the thread, I wasn't exactly thinking about what kind of an idea people might get from my post, so I certainly didn't want to come off as unprofessional etc. cause I'm not. You just can't help but notice sometimes. :razz:

It's basically what ropedfeet already said, and partly connected to Serph's question; it happens to everyone. From my own experience, and I assume it's the same for many others: I don't get to choose who I'm attracted to. I'm attracted to someone or I'm not, regardless of whether that person is straight, gay, whatever.

Oh, and agreed with Boots. ;)

[drummer]

being gay can be so hopeless sometimes...

Well, yes, sooner or later, any male who prefers other males has to come to terms with the notion that most males around him are unable to respond and return some of the romantic and sexual feelings.

However, as long as you are reconciled to the notion that perhaps the relationship won't be exactly what you want, it is certainly possible for males who prefer females to feel something for you.

Indeed, I've found that, if anything, many so-called "straight" men are absolutely starved for male affection, so strictly has male-male affection been banished from their world for fear of being "gay." Many "straight" men yearn to be touched, affectionately, by other men, even though they may find it embarrassing or difficult to admit this to themselves. They don't necessarily want a smoochy kiss or a sexual caress, but they do want a hug, or an arm slung over their shoulders, or a back-rub, and a few enlightened ones might even enjoy having their feet massaged and handled by a "buddy."

Such men are never going to be your lovers, but that doesn't mean that you cannot enjoy a very deep friendship with them, providing you keep in mind that you have to keep some hold on the reins and recognize that they aren't equipped with the capacity to "love" you back, any more than you are equipped with the capacity to wish to share your life with, and father children with, a woman.

And to be perfectly honest, it isn't the thrill of sex that is the foundation of the longest friendships. It's something else.

[peterlondon]

i have had a lot of horny encounters with straight guys, but when i say straight...there dicks got hard...so you cant just divide us into two tribes, straight and gay. i live in london now, a lot of gay guys here are very mascuilne, at the same time there are trannies , cute camp boys, big beer belly bears..and each has their own admirers, to say you arent attracted to swishy queens is just stating your taste, there are plenty who are.
when i was growing up in manchester the gay scene was very underground and anyone who was straight acting might have been scared off by it, in the handful of dark bars we had many of the chaps used queeny language and mannerisms. it was a kind of relief after being buttoned up and in the closet all day,it was a sort of camaraderie.
now in big cities people are Out at work, Out to their familes etc you get many more guys going to the bars who dont adopt this manner...but its different when you get to small towns. maybe because the boys who are more camp are the ones who have the courage to come out, because staying in the closet is not an option for them.
but the best sex encounter i ever had was with a gay guy, not a bisexual or straightish guy, a gay guy ( master milano i hope you are reading this!)

[flickfire]

First of all, I don't think there's anything wrong with gay men who are "swishy and "faggy"
as was said here. There are many people (both gay and straight) who are attracted to the
softness, femininity, and downright sweetness that a lot of stereotypically gay men have,
and personally I'd rather have a swishy, feminine gay men who is a kind, caring person than
a ripped "str8 acting" gay guy who is a total jerk (and we've all met them at one time or
another in our lives)!

I think there is a lot of truth to what Drummer said about a lot of str8 guys being starved
for male affection. It's quite sad really. I think that's probably why men like physical sports
like football and soccer so much, because they can touch each other, and feel each other up
in a way they they could never do in regular society without being called gay, which unfortunately
is still considered to be a bad word in many circles.

Sometimes, I am very envious of the relationships that women have with each other.
They can be very affectionate with each other without automatically being labeled as
being gay. I think a lot of men wish that they could share the same freedoms that they
do.

[somecanuck]

Yeah. I've found myself attracted to both effeminate men AND masculine men or whatever in between... as long as they are indeed men. I have had the biggest crush on a straight friend of mine for years (who happens to be ftm trans, but is definitely very masculine). In the past, I also had a thing for another straight guy I knew who made things worse by being very flirty. Fantasies aside, these guys aren't interested, so it's pointless to think anything could happen other than friendship.

Foot worship is another thing though. I have worshipped straight mens' feet. I don't usually bring it up with my friends, even though they all know about my fetish. I just don't wanna make them uncomfortable. But, some have been comfortable with it. Don't ask me why.

But anyway, I have actually learned to appreciate gender differences in people. I have met lots of masculine gay men. I have been told I am one, but I don't believe that is entirely true. I can set off a gaydar or 2.